The squirrel and the Grasshopper

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the
winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The
shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold..

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]THE END



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THE BRITISH VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.


The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A
social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and
demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while
others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The
BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to
a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with
food.

The Guardian informs people that they should be ashamed that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while
others have plenty.

The Green Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The
Grasshopper Social Housing Commission demonstrate in front of the squirrel's
house.

The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special with breaking
news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing 'We Shall Overcome'.

A
socialist rants, in an interview with Andrew Marr, that the squirrel got rich
off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the
squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and an increase to the charge for
squirrels to enter the congestion zone in London.

In response to
pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and
Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing
to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home, and an
additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want
to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a Social Housing Commission
house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to
ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and
re-distributed to the more needy members of society - in this case the
grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and
his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start
building a new home.

The local authority takes over his old home and
utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane
to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice.


On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of the British
apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international
offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because
the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.


Initial moves to make then return them to their own country were
abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.

The
cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.


A Newsnight special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the Housing
Commission house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
maintain it. He is shown to be taking drugs.

Inadequate government
funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.

The cats seek
recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in Britain
.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a
burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released
immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the
care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.

Within a few
weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of
enquiry, that will eventually cost £10 million and state the obvious, is set up.


Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
grasshoppers.

Legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
increased..

The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for
enriching Britain 's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the
government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a
drug overdose.

The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious
failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social
inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.

They call for the
resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid £1 million each because
their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were
mice in Britain .

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the
hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional
percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to
pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65
because of a shortfall in government funds.




THE END

I would laugh if it wasn't so true!!!!

As a dog loving squirrel I know how you feel!!

I know what you mean , whats the point of building up a nest egg.

But typing it up at 1.04 am is going a bit far isnt it

Perhaps his birthday was bit dull and boring

Mk3rob wrote:I know what you mean , whats the point of building up a nest egg.

But typing it up at 1.04 am is going a bit far isnt it

Who typed it up? - 'cut and paste' is my middle name!
I do agree though 1.04 is pretty daft - but I have to do something to break up the boredom of marking at stupid o'clock! - and guess what I am doing now!!!!!

Just put 7 out of 10 - could do better - that's what mine always said when I were at school

Martin & Nettie wrote:Just put 7 out of 10 - could do better - that's what mine always said when I were at school

Gone are the days of a mark out ten! Now the teacher ends up writing more than the children!!! (I wouldn't mind, but much of the time we then have to read it to the children cos they are not able to read it! - nothing to do with my handwriting either!!!!!)