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Health, safety and Christmas Carols

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Health, safety and Christmas Carols

Post  lin and tony on Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:37 pm

Health &
Safety and Equality Considerations for Christmas Songs




The Rocking
Song

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not
stir;
We will lend a coat of
fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock
you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock
you

Fur is no longer appropriate
wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for
ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps
micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable
alternative.

Please note, only
persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have
enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry
their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three
forms of identification before rocking commences.





Jingle
Bells

Dashing through the
snow
In a one horse open
sleigh
O'er the fields we
go
Laughing all the
way

A risk assessment must be
submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to
travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to
use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger
proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before
entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in
celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud
enough to be considered a noise nuisance.





While Shepherds
Watched
While
shepherds watched
Their flocks by
night
All seated on the
ground
The angel of the Lord came
down
And glory shone
around

The union of Shepherd's
has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that
shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being
provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available.
Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at
this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from
centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that
before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all
shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful
effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.





Rudolph the red nosed
reindeer

Rudolph, the
red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny
nose.
And if you ever saw
him,
you would even say it
glows.

You are advised that under
the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make
comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to
this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered
discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty
of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions -
including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation
takes place.





Little
Donkey
Little donkey,
little donkey on the dusty road
Got
to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard
to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also
included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey
and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please
note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and
Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne
particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little'
and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon
his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine
rights.





We Three
Kings
We three kings
of Orient are
Bearing gifts we
traverse afar
Field and fountain,
moor and mountain
Following yonder
star

Whilst the gift of gold is
still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such
organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not
appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic
reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy
cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher. We would not advise
that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their
destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation,
which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption.
Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels
carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest
breaks.

Facemasks for the three
kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels
hooves.






Away in a Manger No Crib for a
bed
- Contact Social
services???????
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lin and tony

Number of posts : 592
Location : Cookley near Kidderminster
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Re: Health, safety and Christmas Carols

Post  Rum Tum Tugger on Thu Dec 17, 2009 9:02 am

No running with Torches then!


Cherry Tree Carol
Then up spoke young Mary
In a voice oh so mild
Pick me some cherries Joseph
For I am with child

A tree or shrub belongs to the owner of the land on which it grows even if its branches go over adjoining land. This includes the branches and the fruit of any tree or shrub and applies even to windfall fruit.

Whilst fruit is generally good for pregnant women, later on in the pregnancy avoid fruit with a high acid content as it may affect the baby's skin.


Frosty the Snowman

Frosty the Snowman
Is a jolly happy soul
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.

The last Snowman ended up in the federal penitentiary - some of that white stuff is the wrong sort of snow. How do you think he stays so jolly and happy around all those screaming kids? Besides, that pipe is filling children's lungs with carcinogins. And I ask you, who in their right mind allows their children to play in traffic with strangers?


(with acknowledgements to the Mudcat folk music forum)
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Rum Tum Tugger

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Age : 73
Location : Ivinghoe, Bucks/Beds
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