Mini Scamp Owners
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.
Latest topics
» MKII project
by PostageScamp Sat Sep 04, 2021 8:59 pm

» Mk1 chassis and panels on eBay
by OldMK1 Mon Jul 26, 2021 8:49 am

» Mk3 back from Mongolia
by Admin Sun Feb 21, 2021 4:25 pm

» Mk 1 chassis
by OldMK1 Sun Dec 13, 2020 8:00 pm

» Re rack *************************
by Rum Tum Tugger Fri Nov 20, 2020 9:17 am

» mk 3 project on Ebay
by Rum Tum Tugger Thu Nov 19, 2020 8:19 am

» Wooden Hustler
by OldMK1 Tue Nov 10, 2020 1:03 pm

» Its back on again or scammed
by Rum Tum Tugger Tue Nov 10, 2020 7:58 am

» Mk3 GT NOT reg'd
by Mk3rob Fri Oct 16, 2020 11:15 am


If Tommy Cooper were alive today.........

3 posters

Go down

If Tommy Cooper were alive today.........   Empty If Tommy Cooper were alive today.........

Post  muttley Mon Mar 14, 2011 7:49 pm



If Tommy Cooper were alive today.........


I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'
-----------------------
This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
------------------------
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent..'
-----------------------
I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'
----------------------------
I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best before End'
---------------------------
I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'
------------------------------
I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he then?'
--------------------------
My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.
------------------------
I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'
---------------------------
I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R.
----------------------------
I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
----------------------------
I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.
---------------------------
The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'
--------------------------
I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'
----------------------
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, 'I want you to trace someone for me..'
--------------------------
I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'
----------------------------
I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'
--------------------------------
This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'
--------------------------
I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'
------------------------------
I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened.. I said 'I careered off the road'
----------------------
I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.
-------------------------
I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
------------------------
I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar' I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
---------------------------
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'
--------------------------------
I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'
--------------------------------
A waiter asks a man, 'May I take your order, sir?' 'Yes,' the man replies. 'I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?' 'Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.'

muttley
muttley

Number of posts : 397
Location : Nuneaton
Job/hobbies : Kit Cars, Retro Cars, Cycling, Watching Unbuilt Scamps
Registration date : 2008-07-27

Back to top Go down

If Tommy Cooper were alive today.........   Empty Re: If Tommy Cooper were alive today.........

Post  wezgit daan saaf Mon Mar 14, 2011 10:09 pm

"JUST LIKE THAT" ha! ha! ha!
wezgit daan saaf
wezgit daan saaf

Number of posts : 1057
Location : HASTINGS
Job/hobbies : Mechanic/Scamps & family
Registration date : 2008-08-16

Back to top Go down

If Tommy Cooper were alive today.........   Empty Re: If Tommy Cooper were alive today.........

Post  muttley Mon Mar 14, 2011 10:24 pm


Nah ! Not like That.......Like this ! Rolling Eyes
muttley
muttley

Number of posts : 397
Location : Nuneaton
Job/hobbies : Kit Cars, Retro Cars, Cycling, Watching Unbuilt Scamps
Registration date : 2008-07-27

Back to top Go down

If Tommy Cooper were alive today.........   Empty Re: If Tommy Cooper were alive today.........

Post  Martin & Nettie Tue Mar 15, 2011 7:13 pm

Glass Bottle Bottle Glass heh heh
Martin & Nettie
Martin & Nettie

Number of posts : 1216
Location : Runcorn
Job/hobbies : Former SOC President and Secretary - its up to Mr Wezgit & Nettie now
Registration date : 2008-06-25

Back to top Go down

If Tommy Cooper were alive today.........   Empty Re: If Tommy Cooper were alive today.........

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum